Moments So Dear
by TheGirlWhoRemembers
Summary: DIY episode tags for The Measure of Our Lives, my version of Season 4. Latest update: In Memoriam, tag to 4.07, Real/Fake. The Phoenix family attends an annual charity fundraiser for veterans, in memory of Alfred Pena and Charlie Robinson.
1. Where the Heart Is

AN: Please read _The Measure of Our Lives _first, or this will not make sense.

* * *

**A HOSPITAL **

**HOME SWEET LA**

* * *

Jack was just making a face at his lunch (or what passed for lunch at this place) when the door to his hospital room opened, and in strode Desi, who dropped a sandwich on his lunch tray.

Eagerly, Jack unwrapped it, savouring the smell of steak, onion jam, cheese, and, of course, bacon.

He took a large bite of the sandwich, then raised it in a pseudo-toast to the woman in thanks.

Desi just smiled at him, a true, unguarded smile that was almost too wide for her, and plopped down into the chair by his bed, glancing at her phone for the time.

'They should be here in an hour or two.'

Mac, Bozer and Riley were back at the Phoenix for debrief and mission reports. Matty had held it off for as long as she could, but it did need to be done.

Desi, on the other hand, had already debriefed and written up her mission report promptly, while the others had been at the hospital with Jack, so she was free to spend some time with the older man.

Jack scarfed down the last of his sandwich in one giant bite, chewed and swallowed, then spoke, a wry, teasing tone in his voice and matching grin on his face.

'Well, gives us time to have a heart-to-heart, Dez, and you know how I missed your sparkling personality.' Desi snorted and shook her head affectionately. Jack had regularly called her _pricklier than a_ _porcupine on a cactus. _His expression grew more serious, but it remained fond, affectionate. 'I really do owe you one now, Dez, Wookie life debt, you know, and…' Something a touch sad crossed Jack's face. '…for watching their backs, keeping 'em safe, when I couldn't.'

Desi smiled back at him, in a way that was as warm as she ever was.

'No problem, Jack. Anytime.' The _for you _didn't need to be said. She shrugged, in a way that just about everyone would read as nonchalant. 'They weren't_ too_ much of a pain.'

Jack stared at her for a moment (he was one of those who wouldn't read it that way), then nodded slowly.

'They do tend to get under your skin, don't they? 'Specially Mac, can't keep that boy out of anything…'

That made Desi get a weird look in her eyes. Mac had been weirder than he normally was about the origins of those spicy ranch chips the day before, in a way that Jack recognized from years and years ago, when Mac was a green agent, when the DXS was still a thing, and when Thornton ran the joint…and Jack had done as he'd said he would in Indonesia and introduced Mac to a brilliant blonde analyst called Nikki Carpenter.

Dez was hard to read, even for him, but Jack was 99% sure now that worrying that Mac and Dez would _kill _each other was the wrong thing to worry about.

_Yeah, _he thought, definitely the wrong thing to worry about, as that weird look disappeared from Desi's eyes and she false-nonchalantly (convincing, but not enough to fool him) crossed her arms, leaned back and put her booted feet up on a second chair. Jack could see the metaphorical shutters closing over her eyes as her walls went back up.

(Dez's moods could turn on a penny; one moment, she was being all soft and sharing with you, next moment, she was hard and prickly and brusque again, striding off and leaving you in her dust with a case of whiplash.)

'Well, Dalton, if you're looking to pay me back, I'll take a rib eye and some single malt…'

* * *

**A CEMETERY**

**LA**

* * *

Jack reached out and put a hand on Mac's shoulder as they stood in front of Charlie's grave.

'I'm sorry, son.'

For not being there to help, even if it seemed that it'd have been futile.

(He could at least have punched Mason, hard, once or twice. Wouldn't have done anything for Charlie, wouldn't have prevented that hero's sacrifice that'd kept Mac from having to actually _make _that terrible choice – Jack was forever grateful to Charlie for that, would never have been able to repay him even if he'd miraculously survived – wouldn't have prevented Mac from being wracked with guilt, but it'd have made Jack feel a hell of a lot better, and it wasn't as if Mason wouldn't be getting anything he didn't deserve.)

For not being there to comfort him, to try and help prevent him being lost in his head and falling into the abyss and becoming consumed with guilt.

For not being there to deal with the fallout from his dad's revelation.

For_ not being there._

Mac turned his head, and smiled at Jack in a way that said, clearly, _there's nothing to forgive._

'You're here now.'

Jack smiled, soft and broad and oh, so fond, and Mac reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of dog tags. Very familiar dog tags. He held them out to Jack, who reached out and fingered the metal with his father's name, rank, religion and blood type on it, but didn't take it.

'Maybe you should hang on to 'em, they're gonna be yours one day-'

Jack would make sure Mac outlived him, no matter what it took, considering Mac's sense of self-preservation (or lack thereof).

Mac shook his head firmly, even vehemently, and mirroring what Jack had done months ago, that night they'd said goodbye, spoken all the words they needed to say so that none were needed when the time really came, he put the dog tags in Jack's hand, closed his fingers around them.

'That's a long time in the future.'

That was insistent, said as if something happened to Jack, Mac would go all Frankenstein and bring him back…which, honestly, Jack would not put past his boy.

His smile widened, and Jack raised the tags in his fist, before stowing them securely in his pocket.

'Cheers, man.' He pulled out his phone to check the time. 'Now, we're meeting Boze for some grub right 'bout now, ain't we, 'cause I'm starving, and I could really do with a couple of those double bacon cheeseburgers…'

* * *

**KILLER BURGERS**

**LA**

* * *

'…thanks, Tommy, how's it going? You get promoted to fries yet?' Jack's neighbour's kid dropped off a large order of food, and Bozer grinned and waved as Mac and Jack walked through the door, and as they approached, he pointed at the Texan. 'I got your video collection in my car, safe and sound…and…' Bozer spread his arms wide like a showman. 'Fully digitized and restored, with the help of our favourite queen of computers!'

Jack chuckled and stole some of Mac's fries unapologetically, before picking up the first of his bacon-loaded cheeseburgers.

'Much appreciated, Boze.'

* * *

**THE GANG'S FAVOURITE SKEEBALL PLACE**

**(THE ONE WITH THE REALLY GREASY PIZZA THAT ONLY JACK LIKES)**

**LA**

* * *

'…so, how many tickets we got now, Ri? Reckon we can get one of those giant teddy bears?'

Riley arched an eyebrow sceptically at Jack as they stood in front of two adjacent skeeball machines, a ball already in her hand.

'Why do you even want a giant teddy bear?'

Jack looked back at her, astounded.

'Who doesn't want a giant teddy bear?'

* * *

As the game finished and their tickets were printed out, Jack reached out and pulled Riley into a side-hug, pressing a kiss to the side of her forehead.

'I'm real proud of you, kiddo.'

He wasn't talking about the fact that she'd just set a personal skeeball best, getting them closer to that giant teddy bear.

Riley had dealt with so much while he'd been gone. She and her dad getting doxed, getting consumed by hunting down who'd done it, that bounty hunter scum stomping all over her heart (Jack still really wanted to go stomp on _him_), Charlie dying in front of her eyes, and another attack on the Phoenix, plus thinking he'd died too…

Riley smiled and shifted to hug him properly, very, very tightly.

Jack smiled wider and held her back.

* * *

Jack cheered loudly as he landed a behind-the-back skeeball trick shot, turning to Matty and Diane, who were watching, with a look on his face that clearly said, _was that impressive or what?_

Matty had an eyebrow arched and her hands on her hips. Diane simultaneously looked impressed and unimpressed, which was in itself impressive.

The two women exchanged a look that was very much, _why do we love this idiot again?_ Jack grinned as if he could read that on their faces, eyes lingering on Diane, in a way that was somehow smug and somehow like a schoolboy at the same time. He held a ball out to her, gestured in invitation. Diane shook her head, but took the ball with a sparkle in her eye and a little smile on her face, passing very, very close to Jack as she walked past him to aim at the skeeball machine.

* * *

As Bozer recorded Jack's first skeeball trip _after_ for posterity's sake (and also because Jack/Diane was totally going to be endgame in the movie he was going to make about their adventures – he called it first!), Mac came up to Riley, who was watching her mom and Jack play skeeball against each other with a hopeful little smile on her face.

'Riley, uh, where's Desi?' The young woman shot Mac a knowing look, which made his ears redden under his hair, even as he protested. 'Just, um, curious, you know me, and well, she's gotten into the habit of hanging out with us…'

She drank a beer or two with them at his place after missions, anyway, and usually stayed for one of Bozer's amazing burgers.

Riley nodded in a way that was definitely _uh huh, sure, Mac, sure…_but shrugged.

'We invited her, but she said she had other plans already.'

'Oh.'

That was a disappointed sound. It was also a very confused sound, and a little worried. Riley knew Mac's brain was moving to all sorts of conclusions, deductions, the kind that weren't so good for his wellbeing, and was just about to distract him and pull him out of it when Jack called out to his partner.

'Hey, brother, you owe me a rematch! Come on up here and prepare to get your skinny butt kicked!'

Riley smiled behind Mac's back as the blonde strode over to the older man, a teasing smirk on his face as he caught the ball Jack tossed him.

Jack was the master at keeping Mac out of the labyrinth of his mind when needed, after all.

'I think you mean prepare to get _your _butt kicked, Jack, though I suppose yours isn't exactly _skinny_…'

As Mac and Jack bickered and Matty and Diane exchanged more _why do we love these idiots _looks, Bozer came over to Riley and grinned, wide and loving and oh-so-happy.

'And there's finally balance in the Force! Everything's right in the universe, Ri!'

Riley snorted (Bozer was never _not_ ridiculous), but smiled back at him, nodding in agreement, before reaching out and socking him lightly in the arm, expression growing faux-serious.

'If you've hired a bunch of people dressed as Ewoks to dance around the fire-pit at Mac's tonight, Boze…we really need to talk.'

* * *

AN: Mostly fluff, lots of Team as Family, a bit of character and relationship development and some foreshadowing…that's probably going to be par for the course for the episode tags. I'm going to use them to further develop on-screen events and relationships, and to tell 'side-stories' that don't quite fit into the eps themselves. Hope you guys enjoyed!


	2. Man to Man

AN: Again, please go read 4.02, Gain/Loss, in _The Measure of Our Lives _first; otherwise, this doesn't make an awful lot of sense.

* * *

**MACGYVER'S RESIDENCE**

**LA**

* * *

Jack sipped his beer, sitting by the unlit fire-pit next to his boy, who was alternately drinking beer and shaping a series of paperclips into the word _bang._

He was also silent, and staring into some kind of middle distance, lost in his own head.

He looked very young and definitely heartbroken, and for a moment, Jack actually _regretted _calling in a favour from Dez, because he knew that in her own way, she'd be hurting like this too.

Jack hated seeing his friends hurt.

(Especially his young friends. It was probably some kind of pseudo-dad/substitute-dad/Obi-Wan Kenobi thing.)

Eventually, Mac broke the silence.

'Jack…' The older man turned his head to face the younger, who was still staring at the _bang _paperclips. 'Why doesn't Desi…uh…make friends with co-workers?'

Internally, Jack sighed.

And wasn't that a story.

He made a mental note to at least text Dez while she was in-flight, since he knew he wouldn't get to catch up with her before she left.

(Mac needed him right now; besides, Dez was _really, really_ good at not talking about things she didn't want to talk about.)

(Any opening up she did was always on her terms, and her terms alone.)

(_Torture _wouldn't get it out of her, let alone all the pressing Jack was willing to do.)

He looked Mac straight in the eye, and shook his head.

'That ain't my story to tell, son.' He paused, deciding how much he should share. 'It's…it's a hard one, shaped her when she was very young, helped make her into who she is today…' Jack gave a fond little smile. '…damn good fighter, damn good soldier, damn good agent...' The smile took on an exasperated tone. '…with more walls than a maze and pricklier than a porcupine on a cactus.'

That got a little smile out of Mac, too, fond and sad all at once, and he gave a little nod, accepting that.

(There were stories he'd kept from everyone, even Jack, for a very long time, might not ever have told if something hadn't forced his hand, after all.)

Just then, Jack's phone chimed, and he pulled it out of his pocket (just in case it was an emergency, given their line of work). Mac caught a glimpse of a message from Diane Davis, though what the message said, he didn't know.

(Though he could guess. Despite the fact that he'd been distracted of late, it was hard to miss the chemistry between Jack and Diane – given the long history, and what he'd observed over a year ago now – and it was very hard to miss Bozer and Riley conspiring.)

(Mac loved his best friend dearly, but subtle, Bozer was not.)

Jack gave a soft little smile that was probably involuntary, and tucked his phone back in his pocket, intending to reply later when he wasn't taking care of his boy (Diane, of all people, would understand), turning back to face Mac, who, very earnestly, gestured at Jack's pocket with his head.

'You should answer that.'

'Thought we were dealing with your love life, not mine, son.'

Mac lifted a shoulder, gave a slightly-sheepish, slightly-sad smile.

'Yours seems to be going much better than mine…'

Jack shot him a mock-_look _at the tone of Mac's voice.

(The kids were sometimes frighteningly alike.)

'Now you're just fishing, brother.' Mac shrugged again, as if to say, _can you blame me?_ Jack shook his head at the younger man, but that small, soft smile returned, and he stared at the fire for a moment before replying. 'Yeah, alright, me and Diane…we've been texting, talking, you know.' Jack paused. 'Did that for a while, actually, after that charades night got interrupted by the fake Maths teacher, but…' Jack glanced at Mac, then back at the fire, then looked down at his beer. '…stopped when you ran off to Nigeria and I didn't deal so well.'

'I'm sorry, I-'

Jack cut him off with a wave of his hand.

'Hey, ain't your fault I got a little lost in my head and threw away a real special second chance, son.' Jack gave a teasing little grin. 'Except maybe your bad habits are rubbing off on me!' Mac gave a self-deprecating little smile at that, nodding in acknowledgement. His tendency to get lost in his own head was bad enough Jack had seen fit to warn Desi about it, after all. Jack's expression grew serious again. 'Nah, that's all on me.' Jack shrugged. 'Thought that was the end of that, she ain't gonna give me another second chance, or more like a seventh chance or something by now…' Jack looked sheepish and wry for a beat, before that serious, earnest look returned. 'Then everything with Kovac brought things into perspective, you know, made me realize I'd regret it forever if I didn't ask her for just one more chance, didn't, you know, _not _screw it up this time.'

Mac nodded, and smiled and clapped Jack on the shoulder.

'I'm happy for you.'

Jack smiled back.

'Thanks, brother.' He paused for a moment. 'Brother, could you do something for me and Diane, keep it on the down-low? We don't want Riles to get too excited about it if it doesn't work out…'

Mac nodded seriously. Jack and Diane would, naturally, have a lot to work through, given their history, both long ago and more recent.

'I promise, Jack.' He paused, a wry, affectionate look appearing on his face. 'Though, you might be a little too late on the _not getting overly enthusiastic _bit…'

* * *

AN: Does this serve much of a point? No. But come on – Mac and Jack bonding! Look over there!


	3. Better

AN: This won't make much sense if you haven't read 4.03, Bad/Worse in _The Measure of Our Lives_, so please go read that first!

* * *

**BETH'S RESIDENCE**

**LA**

* * *

'…he _did_ warn me not to leave you alone with my toaster.'

Dr Taylor walked back into her kitchen after putting her basket of laundry away to find Mac deep in the innards of her toaster, which had probably made its last slice of toast.

(She'd told him to call her Beth, but his mind kept supplying 'Dr Taylor', since he'd been calling her that for months.)

He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a sheepish smile, Swiss Army knife in his other hand.

'Sorry, I need the heating elements…'

He and his dad were building her a home security system. The very best they could come up with.

_Yeah, I know, who had a questionable home security system at his own place until recently?_

_In my defence, A, Desi's rubbing off on me. B, I admit I've got a bit of a disregard for my own safety, but that definitely doesn't extend to others. C, we owe her, and D – two words: Elliot Mason._

Dr Taylor (Beth) shook her head with a wry, exasperated smile, slipping past him to print 'toaster' neatly on one of the many to-do lists that were attached to the fridge with magnets.

Mac made a noise of triumph as he extracted the last heating coil, and looked up and shot Beth a wry grin.

'You, uh, might want to add vacuum cleaner to the list.'

She immediately glanced over at the tiny hallway in her apartment, where clanking noises were emanating. His dad had been rummaging for something useful in her hall closet.

'He's rendering my vacuum cleaner unfit for purpose, isn't he?'

That was said in a tone of very exasperated, long-suffering affection, with a matching smile and head-shake, before she turned to print 'vacuum cleaner' on the list under 'toaster.'

Mac, meanwhile, blinked once or twice.

It was _odd, _seeing exasperated affection like _that_ being directed at his father.

(It must have been years and years and years, at least with a witness, anyway.)

(His mother surely had looked at his dad like that. Heck, maybe Jonah Walsh had, once upon a time, a lifetime ago. He had a sneaking suspicion Matty might, from time-to-time, but never where Mac could see.)

As she turned back, quite suddenly, on an impulse drilled into him by his grandfather, Mac looked her right in the eye and spoke.

'Thank you.' He paused, as she blinked, brow furrowing slightly in question. 'For…for what you did for my dad.' He swallowed, guilt welling up in him again, anger on its heels, which he leashed tightly. 'You paid a high price for it.'

She raised a shoulder a little awkwardly, but smiled back at him, ducking her head.

'You're welcome, both of you.' She paused, looking distinctly more awkward. 'And I think if anyone understands that doing the right thing sometimes comes at a high cost…it'd be you and Jim.'

In response to that, Mac could only nod.

'Yeah…'

His dad's voice called out from the hallway.

'Angus, have you got those heating elements? I've extracted the field coil and the fans…'

Beth gave an exasperated, long-suffering, yet affectionate sigh, talking half to herself.

'There really is no hope of saving my vacuum cleaner…' Then, she tilted her head to the left, brow furrowing in question. 'Exactly _what _are you building with the heating elements, the field coil and the fans? Some kind of magnet-activated makeshift heat gun?

* * *

**ONE TOASTER, ONE VACUUM CLEANER, FOUR PAPERCLIPS, A TURKEY BASTER, TWO BATTERIES, SIX EGGS AND A DOZEN BOBBY PINS LATER**

* * *

As Mac finished patching the drywall, double-checking the colour-matching with the paint, his dad wiped the grease off his hands with the aid of some of Beth's hand lotion (it had a light, green-tea-and-cucumber scent that would surely be utterly unobjectionable to the vast majority of people, and she had a _lot _of it, since doctors washed their hands so frequently), and gave the young woman a rather wry smile.

'On account of the appliances, lunch is my treat.' He gestured with his head to the east. 'There's a diner nearby that does an excellent apple pie…'

That made Beth's face light up; she grinned like a child on Christmas morning.

'Well, you know I'll never say no to pie…'

She looked a little sheepish, and ducked into her bedroom to grab her purse and shoes.

That made Jim smile, oddly soft and fond. Mac just glanced at his father, a question on his face, and his dad shrugged, that smile widening a touch.

'She has an irrational love for pie.' He paused, the smile growing a touch wry, rueful. 'Pun unintended.'

Mac blinked twice as he followed the other two out the door, shaking his head a little.

He_ knew _his dad wasn't heartless, of course he wasn't (he'd loved his mother so much that after she'd passed, he had failed to cope, after all), and he knew that his father had changed (or was trying to change), since they'd started rebuilding their relationship, even more since he'd been diagnosed…but it was still a little jarring.

* * *

If Mac had thought that the fond little smile and the possibly-unintentional pun were jarring, what was even weirder (and made the imaginary Jack in his mind start insisting that he'd woken up in the Upside Down, the Twilight Zone or a bizarro universe of some sort) was his dad actually _hugging _Beth goodbye when they dropped her back off at her place.

In fact, it was so weird that his dad (not the most socially aware person on the planet, to say the least) noticed his reaction as they walked back to his Jeep, arching an eyebrow at his son, tone dry.

'There's no need to be jealous, Angus.'

Mac arched an eyebrow back at him.

'I'm not _jealous._' He shrugged. 'I'm just…wondering.' He paused, marshalling his thoughts into order. 'Until very recently, she was a civilian who didn't know the real you. But you're also…you're really friends. Good friends.'

Jim nodded as they got into the car, silent for a moment, before, instead of sticking the key in the ignition, he turned to look his son solidly in the eye.

'My diagnosis forced me to re-evaluate my priorities, Angus.' He paused again, regret and guilt crossing his face. 'As a result, I've been trying to be a better man, a better father, a better friend. I…I've hurt you too many times, I've hurt Matilda, and by extension, those who care about you.' Jack, Bozer, Riley. Desi, Leanna, dozens of other Phoenix employees. Jill. Mac's dad swallowed. 'She didn't know me before, she didn't know who I used to be…'

It was practically confessional. For his father, that was a lot.

Mac nodded, voice full of understanding, even sympathy.

'Just who you're trying to become.'

* * *

_My grandfather always told me that every single day, we should strive to become better._

_Better at physics, better at basketball, better at knot-tying, better at our jobs, or just better people._

_The last one was always the most important, he emphasised._

_I've come to realize that my dad's always going to be a shadow genius. He's always going to be pulling strings in the background._

_And honestly, this probably isn't the last time that'll bring us into conflict._

_He's him. I'm me._

_Simple as that._

_But I genuinely believe that he's trying to become a better man._

_And that's something I respect._

_That's something I believe in._

* * *

AN: Mac and Jim's relationship is so complicated…I hope you guys like the way I depict it! 'He did warn me not to leave you alone with my toaster' is one of my all-time favourites of Beth's lines, for some reason…which means it's probably going to become some kind of running joke…


	4. In Memoriam

**CHARITY FUNDRAISER DINNER**

**LA**

* * *

'Are you sure?'

Mac, dressed in a smart tux, standing at the table with Al's portrait in the centre (the one they'd bought out this year), turned to Mrs Pena, who was dressed in an evening gown, her hair in a fancy up-do, and she smiled and nodded, patting his arm comfortingly. The smile was tinged with sadness, but also great affection.

'Al would insist.'

Mac smiled too, full of love, full of sadness and grief and longing.

He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a photo of Charlie in his dress uniform, placing it next to Al's.

* * *

Mac stood at the bar, his back to it, sipping a beer.

Mrs Pena was sitting with Diane and Beth, the three women probably looking at photos of Annabelle on her phone, based on the distinctive proud, loving smile on Mrs Pena's face. Diane smiled wider, and Beth giggled, a fond little grin on her face, as Mrs Pena pointed out something on the screen.

His dad and Matty were in the corner, talking to a couple of vets, while Leanna, Bozer and Riley placed bids for the silent auction on the side of the room.

Mac smiled.

He hadn't expected this kind of turn-out at all, but it warmed him from the inside out.

(Desi had even sent an apology that she couldn't be there, and had donated a frankly astounding amount to the cause. When Mac had said it was too much, Desi had just responded – in typical Desi fashion – that she'd gotten a lot of hazard pay lately and didn't have anything better to spend it on, since there were no spicy ranch chips in-country.)

Jack walked up to him, leaning with his elbows on the bar for a beat, before reaching out and putting a hand on Mac's shoulder.

'Sorry I couldn't be here last time, son.'

Jack had been in South America, having elected to go on that mission alone so that Mac could attend the fundraiser that he knew was so, so important to his partner.

Mac just shook his head.

'You're here now.' He paused, glancing at Jack, locking eyes with him so his partner would _understand _without him having to say it out loud, not when words of any kind weren't anywhere near enough. 'As for last year…_thank you._'

Jack just smiled back at him, and took the beer that the bartender set down next to him, clinking it against Mac's.

'Anytime, son. Anytime.'

* * *

As they listened to a woman with a pixie cut and a series of service medals pinned to the front of her jacket speak, talking about how invaluable the support of her family and friends had been in those difficult days after she'd mustered out, as she'd tried to readjust to civilian life, Mac glanced over at Bozer for a brief moment, deep gratitude clear.

Bozer didn't notice, but Leanna did, and she smiled, reaching out to take her boyfriend's hand.

* * *

Around the table, glasses were raised in a silent toast, all eyes falling on the photos of the two men on the centrepiece.

_To Al. To Charlie._

_To two of the best men I've ever known._

_Thank you._

_I'm sorry._

_We will never, ever forget what you've done for us, and for so many others who'll never know. _

_Ave atque vale._

* * *

AN: Ave atque vale is a Latin phrase meaning 'hail and farewell'. Hope you guys enjoyed, short as it was!


End file.
